Comments on "Groovy tweeple you should follow"

Shawn's link is http://twitter.com/hartsock

Marc Palmer -> http://twitter.com/wangjammer5 (Grails)
Dimitry Kopylenko -> http://twitter.com/dima767 (GrailsCrowd)
Paul King - > http://twitter.com/paulk_asert (GinA)
Luke Daley -> http://twitter.com/ldaley (Gldap, Groovy/Grails textmate bundles)
Jason Dillon -> http://twitter.com/jasondillon (GMaven)
James Williams -> http://twitter.com/ecspike (SwingXBuilder, Griffon)

GrailsCrowd -> http://twitter.com/grailscrowd
  Good additions Andres!
  Matthew Taylor
 

 

Matthew - it keeps eating your posts - try no HTML in them? Sorry! New system for me still....
  Bookmarked your post over at Blog Bookmarker.com!
 

 

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  The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
  Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
  Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
  Silence is argument carried out by other means.
  Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
  Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
  Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
  Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
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  So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
  So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
  The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
  What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
  What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
  Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
  Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
  We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
  Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
  Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
  Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
  As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
  To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
  To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
  Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
  In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
  Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
  Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
  What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
  I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
  Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
  Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
  Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
  If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
  Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
  Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
  Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
  Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
  Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
  Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
  If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
  Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
  Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
  Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
  I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
  Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
  I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
  Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
  You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
  You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
  Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
  Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
  We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
  We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
  We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
  People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
  Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
  Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
  Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
  I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
  It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
  It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
  If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
  Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
  Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
  Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
  Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
  Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
  Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
  Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
  Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
  Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
  Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
  Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
  Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
  Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
  It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
  I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
  I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
  I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
  I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
  We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
  A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
  The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
  If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
  If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
  They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
  Men have become the tools of their tools.
  Men have become the tools of their tools.
  Men have become the tools of their tools.
  Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
  Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
  Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
  I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
  I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
  I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
  Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
  Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
  Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
  If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
  The truth is more important than the facts.
  A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
  It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
  Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
  Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
  The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
  Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
  I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
  A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
  Black holes are where God divided by zero.
  The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
  The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
  Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
  Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
  The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
  To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
  The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
  The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
  Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
  My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  Black holes are where God divided by zero.
  A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
  Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
  Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
  Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
  When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
  Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
  If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
  If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
  After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
  After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
  The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
  The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
  All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
  All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
  I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
  I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
  I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
  I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
  The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
  The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
  Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
  Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
  Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
  Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
  Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
  ... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
  Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
  I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
  I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
  I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
  The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
  I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
  I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
  I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
  Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
  Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
  I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
  The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
  Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
  A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
  Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
  Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
  Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
  To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
  Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
  I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
  When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
  I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
  Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
  It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
  Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
  A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
  A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
  Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
  If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
  C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
  It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
  A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
  My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
  An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
  We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
  I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
  Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
  Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
  Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
  Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
  Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
  Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
  A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
  A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
  If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
  University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
  How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
  Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
  You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
  You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
  We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
  We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
  'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
  The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
  I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
  Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
  Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
  Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
  It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
  Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
  So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
  So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
  Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
  Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
  Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
  Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
  Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
  A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
  Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
  They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
  An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
  An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
  Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
  Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
  I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
  When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
  You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
  The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
  The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
  Men have become the tools of their tools.
  My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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  Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
  Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
  Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
  If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
  Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
  A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
  Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
  Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
  I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
  If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
  Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
  Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
  Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
  Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
  One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
  One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
  Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
  I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
  A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
  A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
  Black holes are where God divided by zero.
  Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
  There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
  Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
  Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
  If a man does his best, what else is there?
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  Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
  You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
  In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
  My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
  Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
  Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
  Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
  I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
  A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
  In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
  Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
  A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
  Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
  Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
  I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
  The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
  After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
  After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
  After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
  I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
  I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
  USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
  A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
  A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
  Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
  Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
  If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
  When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
  First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
  First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
  I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
  You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
  Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
  Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
  Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
  Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
  It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
  It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
  It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
  It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
  Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
  Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
  It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
  I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
  Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
  Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
  The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
  If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
  If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
  Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
  If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
  The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
  If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.
  Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
  Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
  Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
  I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
  The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
  The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
  I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
  The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
  Humor is just another defense against the universe.
  People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
  Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
  We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
  The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
  The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
  I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
  Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
  My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
  My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
  If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
  Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
  Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
  So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
  Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
  Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
  If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
  I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
  To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
  All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
  Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
  Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
  Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
  Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
  The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
  The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
  One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
  One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
  When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
  The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
  A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
  Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
  A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
  Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
  Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
  In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
  The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
  Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
  Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
  Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
  Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
  Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
  Java: the elegant simplicity of C and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
  All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
  All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
  I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
  Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
  Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
  A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
  A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
  The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
  Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
  How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
  My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
  My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
  The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
  Humor is just another defense against the universe.
  You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
  I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
  Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
  Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
  They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
  Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
  Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
  A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.
  Why on earth is this not more promoted around.
  Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
  Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
  Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
  I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
  When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
  I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
  Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
  For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
  Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
  I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
  I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
  So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
  So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
  My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
  Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C .
  If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
  Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
  The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
  Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
  I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
  I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
  Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
  Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
  Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
  The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
  Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
  Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
  I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
  The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
  Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
  To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
  Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
  Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
  Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
  Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
  Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
  Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
  I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
  I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
  I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
  I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
  I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
  There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
  There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
  There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
  Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
  Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
  Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
  The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
  From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
  There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
  Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
  All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
  I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
  Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
  The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
  Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
  If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
  To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
  To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
  Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
  In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
  In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
  It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
  Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
  There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
  There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
  There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
  I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
  Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
  Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
  Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
  The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
  They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
  Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
  Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
  We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
  We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
  We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
  Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
  Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
  Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
  Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
  Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
  Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
  Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
  I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
  Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
  If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
  A human beings begins cutting his perceptiveness teeth the first chance he bites out more than he can chew.
  ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
  If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
  I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
  If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
  A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
  The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
  Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
  If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
  Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
  A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.
  A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.
  The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
  I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
  A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
  Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
  I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C in mind.
  A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
  A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
  Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
  Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
  Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
  Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
  Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
  Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
  Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
  Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
  Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
  Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
  A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
  I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
  I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
  Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
  Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
  ... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
  Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
  Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
  If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
  That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
  Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
  Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C .
  Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
  Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
  War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
  I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
  If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
  A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
  Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
  Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
  If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
  If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
  If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
  Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
  A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
  A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
  I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
  Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
  I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
  Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
  Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
  War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
  I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
  Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
  My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
  It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
  It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
  We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
  Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
  I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
  Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
  Everything that can be invented has been invented.
  First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
  It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
  It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
  Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
  A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
  The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
  My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
  Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
  Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
  Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
  C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
  C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
  I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
  All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
  C : an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
  C : an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
  If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
  A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
  Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
  The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
  All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
  I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
  O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
  The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
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  It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
  Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
  Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
  Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
  A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
  Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
  My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
  My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
  My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
  Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
  If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
  Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
  When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
  Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
  jryjjgecvsrxautbaavb, http://www.ymlwnyehll.com ivgrmtkvfv
  jryjjgecvsrxautbaavb, http://www.ymlwnyehll.com ivgrmtkvfv
  I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
  I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
  I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
  I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
  I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
  I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
  I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
  I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
  Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
  Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
  Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
  I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
  I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
  I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
  I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
  If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
  If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
  Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
  Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
  Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
  Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
  Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
  Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
  It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
  It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
  Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
  Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
  There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
  There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
  After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
  Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C .
  Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
  There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
  The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
  Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C .
  If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
  Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
  If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
  If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
  Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
  When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
  I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C in mind.
  I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C in mind.
  It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
  It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
  Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
  Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
  In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
  What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
  If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
  I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
  Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
  Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
  The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
  It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
  Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
  I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
  I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
  We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
  Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
  Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C .
  Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
  Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
  If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
  Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
  So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
  So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
  We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
  The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
  I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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  You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
  I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
  One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
  Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
  Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
  Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
  Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
  Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
  The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
  Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
  Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
  I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
  The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
  Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
  Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
  Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
  Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
  2 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
  The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
  We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
  Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
  Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
  The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
  When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
  Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
  A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
  A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
  There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
  Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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  If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
  I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
  What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
  If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
  It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
  Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
  Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
  After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
  If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
  One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
  Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
  Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
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  If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
  Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
  Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
  When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
  To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
  Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
  All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
  Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
  Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
  It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
  Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
  Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
  Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
  Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
  Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
  Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
  Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
  Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
  Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
  In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
  A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
  The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
  Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
  If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
  Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
  Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
  To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
  If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
  If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
  If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
  Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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  Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
  A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
  Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
  They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
  I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
  In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
  Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
  War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
  There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
  I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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  Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
  Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
  Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
  Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
  There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
  For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
  That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
  In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
  Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
  Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
  A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
  Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
  Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
  The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
  When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
  C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
  Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
  Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
  Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
  Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
  Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
  A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
  A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
  A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
  All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
  Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
  In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
  In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
  About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
  About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
  We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
  We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
  We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
  I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
  I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
  He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
  True. When your hammer is C , everything begins to look like a thumb.
  True. When your hammer is C , everything begins to look like a thumb.
  True. When your hammer is C , everything begins to look like a thumb.
  When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
  Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
  Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
  Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
  Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
  Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
  Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
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  Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
  The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
  It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
  Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
  Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
  Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
  Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
  Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
  Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
  [War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
  Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
  We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
  We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
  Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
  The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
  Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
  Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
  To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
  Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
  Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
  I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
  Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
  Java: the elegant simplicity of C and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
  If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
  If thereÂ’s one thing I know itÂ’s God does love a good joke.
  If thereÂ’s one thing I know itÂ’s God does love a good joke.
  Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
  Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
  One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
  One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
  Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
  If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
  The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
  Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
  Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
  There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
  There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
  There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
  They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
  They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
  They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
  They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
  I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
  Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
  It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
  Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
  Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
  My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
  Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
  I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
  There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
  I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
  I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
  When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
  One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
  One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
  I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
  Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
  Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
  Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
  In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
  Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
  Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
  I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
  Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
  If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
  If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
  If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
  I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
  Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
  Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
  I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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  My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
  If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
  Humor is just another defense against the universe.
  I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
  Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
  Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
  Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
  Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
  The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
  I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
  ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
  ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
  I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
  I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
  When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
  Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
  When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
  When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
  A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
  A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
  A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
  A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
  I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
  It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
  Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
  I don't like the earshot of all those lists he's making - it's like intriguing too innumerable notes at philosophy; you sense you've achieved something when you haven't.
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  I don't like the durable of all those lists he's making - it's like intriguing too innumerable notes at philosophy; you experience you've achieved something when you haven't.
  If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
  Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
  Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
  Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
  People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
  People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
  The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
  Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
  The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
  The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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  Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
  Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
  In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
  He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
  I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
  A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
  A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
  Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
  Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
  Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
  Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
  The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
  Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
  Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
  Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
  In everyone's time, at some time, our inner throw goes out. It is then burst into flame beside an contend with with another magnanimous being. We should all be indebted quest of those people who rekindle the inner transport
  Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
  We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
  You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
  My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
  My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
  I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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  A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
  A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
  I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C in mind.
  I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C in mind.
  I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C in mind.
  I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C in mind.
  We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
  Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
  Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
  Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
  If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
  A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
  I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
  I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
  DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
  Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
  Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
  The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
  Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
  In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
  Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
  A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
  Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
  The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
  The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
  A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
  The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
  I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
  I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
  Youtube has grow such an insulting order right of spam and unaccommodating sprirted commenting on little short of any video put there – that I concoct you would be greater served to discourage a your substantive off of youtube until they learn to coordinate or the coppers the use of comments and profanity. You could ascetically body the videos on amazon s3 and out them from any locale you choose.

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  A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
  There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
  There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
  If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
  If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
  I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
  I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
  I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
  Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
  Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
  Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
  I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
  Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
  He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
  He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
  I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
  I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
  Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
  I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
  UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
  All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
  You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
  Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
  When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
  Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
  I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
  I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
  We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
  You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
  I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
  How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
  Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
  Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
  That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
  If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
  He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
  Men have become the tools of their tools.
  The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
  I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  Thanks for sharing :)
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  A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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  Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
  Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
  The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
  The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
  If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
  And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
  Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
  Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
  I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
  It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
  Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
  DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
  Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
  And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
  I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
  Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
  Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
  A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
  Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
  Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
  Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
  I must say that this was a very constructive and informative
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  I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
  He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
  The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
  Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
  If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
  The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
  The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
  The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
  For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
  I am not young enough to know everything.
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  Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
  Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
  I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
  I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
  It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
  It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
  Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
  Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
  The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
  The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
  I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
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  Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
  Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
  Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
  It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
  Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
  We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
  We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
  The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
  The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
  To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
  If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
  If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
  Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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  I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
  The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
  Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
  A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
  I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
  In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
  A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
  If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
  It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
  I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
  I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
  Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
  Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
  Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
  I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
  Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
  They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
  An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
  An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
  An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
  From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
  From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
  All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
  All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
  The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
  The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
  The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
  The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
  The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
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  It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
  It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
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  We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
  We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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  I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
  Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
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  So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
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  Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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  Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
  thanks
  Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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  I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
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  Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
  Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
  doors.txt;10
  Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
  He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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  Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
  Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.
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  You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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  There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
  Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
  Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
  Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
  Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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  And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
  Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
  Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
  Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
  A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
  A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
  Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
  Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
  If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
  When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
  A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
  Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
  The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
  The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
  The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
  Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
  There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
  Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
  Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
  A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
  Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
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  I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
  A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
  Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
  Heya..thanks for the post and great tips..even I also think that hard work is the most important aspect of getting success.
  hey buddy,this is one of the best posts that I’ve ever seen; you may include some more ideas in the same theme. I’m still waiting for some interesting thoughts from your side in your next post.
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  I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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  Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
  Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
  Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
  The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
  The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
  I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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  Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
  Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
  Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
  Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
  Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
  Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
  Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  True. When your hammer is C , everything begins to look like a thumb.
  A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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  Everything that can be invented has been invented.
  In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
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  Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
  Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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  Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
  Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
  A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
  The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
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  There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
  There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
  There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
  Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
  Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
  I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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  Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
  Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
  Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
  The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
  Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
  A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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  Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
  Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
  Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
  Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
  Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
  A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.
  Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
  Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
  Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
  Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
  I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
  In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
  In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
  In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
  In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
  I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
  I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
  I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
  I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
  A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
  A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
  If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
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  Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
  Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
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  Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
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  Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
  The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
  My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
  In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
  2 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
  2 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
  Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
  Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
  Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
  To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
  To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
  To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
  The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
  The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
  Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
  It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
  It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
  You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
  Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
  Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
  Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
  When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
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  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
  Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
  We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
  We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
  Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
  Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
  He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
  He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
  The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
  The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
  If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
  Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
  I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
  A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
  Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
  The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
  There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
  There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
  When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
  Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
  Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
  A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
  Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
  There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
  Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
  I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
  The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
  The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
  He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
  I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
  I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
  I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
  Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
  Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
  When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
  He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
  A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
  Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
  Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
  Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
  Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
  It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
  Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
  Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
  Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
  Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
  I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
  I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
  If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
  It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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  An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
  That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
  A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
  That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
  Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
  Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
  Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
  Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
  The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
  The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
  When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
  Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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  I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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  A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
  Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
  Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
  My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
  To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
  If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
  I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
  I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
  I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
  I am not young enough to know everything.
  I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
  The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
  People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
  People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
  But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
  But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
  Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
  If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
  Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
  Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
  Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
  Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
  Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
  When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
  Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
  They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
  They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
  Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
  Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
  Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
  I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
  I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
  The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
  God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
  I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
  Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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  Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
  Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
  Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
  Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
  A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
  There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
  The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
  So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
  The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
  Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
  When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
  It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
  It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
  Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
  Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
  Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
  Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
  Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
  I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
  It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
  We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
  We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
  Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
  Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
  The covers of this book are too far apart.
  Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
  Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
  Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
  Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
  Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
  Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
  Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
  Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
  Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
  Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
  The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
  The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
  The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
  God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
  I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
  When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
  Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
  I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
  I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  Always have many rules ask us to abide in my life,because of this or that.
  Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
  Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
  Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
  Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
  Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
  When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
  Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
  He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
  Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
  Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
  If you are going through hell, keep going.
  The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
  If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
  In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
  Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
  Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
  What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
  As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.